Hmmm..

The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments.. Learn to let go of the past and recognize that every day wont be sunny.. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair.. Remember its only in the black of night that you see the stars and those stars lead you back home..

Wounds

And just when you have gotten the lay of the land.. The ground underneath you shifts.. And knocks you off your feet.. If you are lucky you will end up with nothing more than a flesh wound.. Something a band-aid will cover.. But some wounds are deeper than they first appear and require more than just a quick fix.. With some wounds you have to rip off the band-aid and let them breathe and give them time to heal..

Should I HaTe The PeRson?

i lost my phone two days ago.. i rode a cab and when i got in the driver asked if i got a type AB blood.. i said no.. i asked him why.. he said that he is really frustrated because his daughter has an acute leukemia and needs type AB blood and that he is on the verge of giving up.. and i understand how the driver feels because i have been through some situation too when my mom had a kidney transplant and my sister was the donor.. maybe not totally the same but the frustration of your love one being on a very critical condition.. i even advised him not to give up cause that wont help and he might regret it for the rest of his life.. the driver told me that he has a donor but however he wasn't given enough time to come up with some amount to pay the donor.. and he is so frustrated cause the donor threatened him that he will give it to another person.. i really understood how he feels and i just said that there will always be a way.. and the driver said that if he wasn't scared of stealing.. he will steal just to get the money.. and i said thats not good and he said i know.. if only i had some cash that time id give him some but i am down to my last bill and i still needed to withdraw money.. and as i was about to get off the cab i told the driver ill pray for his daughter.. and the moment i got off he drove off so fast and when i reached into my pocket to text someone i realized my phone was not in my pocket anymore.. and i am sure that i left it in the cab cause i sent a text to someone while in the cab and after i placed my phone in my pocket again.. so i immediately called my number using my other phone and boom!! its already turned off.. so it was with the driver.. yeah i am partly to blame but what bothers me is why would he do such thing?? is it because he is so desperate?? that i can understand but why would he say such a thing about stealing if he didn't return my phone or if he saw my phone on the back seat he could have told me that i left my phone.. why did he drove off so fast?? i am not concerned about my phone anymore cause i can replace it but what really bothers me is his situation.. i don't know if i should hate the driver or what.. it already came up i my mind that maybe it was God's way that i will be able to help the driver.. i accepted that fact but i just felt betrayed by the drivers words.. he said that he is scared of stealing and that it is bad but still he didn't return my phone which is still stealing.. and the mere fact that he wont be able to sell the phone right away cause it is locked and it will cause some amount to have the phone opened since it is a registered phone.. and it is hard unlocking that phone and would certainly cost some amount.. and all the networks will be blocked as well.. i don't know i am just bothered with what the driver did.. i wasn't expecting him to do that since he sounded really sincere when he said those things.. was it just coincidence or it is really hard to trust people nowadays even people who seemed and looked so sincere??

NoThinG Much.. JusT MissinG on A LoT oF ThinGs LaTeLY

its been quite awhile since i last posted something.. i was busy with a lot of things especially with work and trying to put things in perspective.. most of my days would be work after that go out then talk to people then go home and sleep.. sometimes its just work.. sleep and non-stop talk with my cousins who are truly a blessing in my life.. and most of my rest days would be drinking sessions with friends and sometimes with my cousins and if lucky enough ill get some sleep.. same routine for the past two months i think..

the first month was overwhelming.. i was so happy and everything went well.. just enjoying the moment while it lasts.. midnight stroll to the bakeshop and chit-chats till the sun comes up..sleeping till noon and waking up to grab some food then back to bed.. but the irony is that though it kinda look lazy but i am now able to wake up and walk a few steps to eat rather than being woken up to eat.. i can now take my laundry to the laundry shop rather than my laundry being taken from my room.. just small things but matters a lot..

but the second month is kinda crazy since i was already working and in shifts too.. i had to balance my work with the kind of life that i have and thats really hard.. i live a crazy life and i have a crazy schedule.. from graveyard to morning to dawn in just 3 weeks.. it was like suicide.. my body clock was going crazy.. i could not manage my sleep and i also have other things to do.. go out.. go to malls.. i still had my social life but it went crazy as well.. and a lot of personal things began to come out to add up to my crazy life.. excess baggages.. unfinished business.. and some new things.. sometimes i can get so crazy as well..

till now i still don't know what to do.. my schedule is stable now but still i am still living a crazy life.. sometimes i feel like i am missing out on a lot of things which i cant figure out what.. if its social life i still have it despite my call-center work and work load.. if its love.. i don't think its that cause i am happy and i don't feel empty.. its just that i sometimes think that something is really missing.. uhhhmmm maybe my friends.. yeah could be my friends since its been ages since the last time i was with them.. and working in shifts just makes it a lot harder to be with them.. i just wanna see my friends and like be with them for a day or so.. i really miss my buddies.. :( i hope i can get sometime off work.. (**crossing the fingers**) thats all for now.. still have to do some things..

Bonding Over Booze..

thats the thing.. i dont have anyone to call when am pissed off or when am down.. i dont have anyone to talk with who can understand me.. alcohol is not a problem but its too damn boring drinking it alone.. i tried to get in touch with the people around me but the saddest thing is that when am around with them memories haunts me..

it is so hard to trust people nowadays even just as friends.. ive been close to some new people.. but sadly.. they have their own way.. :( im so scared to get so attached to people but sometimes its all worth it.. just like my callcenter family.. who would have thought that it was them who was with me when i passed by hell and not my closest friends.. but sadly i had to stop somewhere and they have to go on... but often times its so hard to grasp on something nowadays.. :( i just miss my good old real friends.. yeah i was with them but its way nicer to have them around all the time..

i guess I still havent found a crowd that suits me or im just too depressed to exert effort in order for me to fit in.. or im just scared to make friends and eventually it will not last long for coz of my work.. whatever the reason is.. its so abnormal.. i need to overcome this.. i need to be in the place where i can be me.. this isnt me anymore.. ive never been like this before.. i always stand every time i fall.. iI always tried to find a way to make me happy.. i think I need to go to church too coz maybe this is the other reason i dont feel complete coz ive been far away from the ONE up above…

ReaLizaTion

I can't get it back, but
I don't want it back, I
Realized that,
She don't know how to act
Never been a dumb dude
No I'm not dense
I just had a slight lack
Of common sense
I was the good guy
She was the bad girl
I'm thinking one girl
She thinking me, Earl James and Jimmy
Yep she had plenty
But love for me, she didn't have any

I was inviting, her into my heart
But she was out riding in some other man's car
She was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong
Won't take me long for me to move on

Oh, please don't worry bout me I'm fine
(Please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time
(Only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say
That I'll be ok
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl

I can't get it back, but
I don't want it back, I
Realized that,
She don't know how to act
Tried to settle down and look what I get
Thought it was my time, but I guess not yet
She at the bar getting drinks from many men
I'm in the house, thinking she's with her girlfriends
Trust not knowing, truly not knowing
I look back now like, man, I was open

I was inviting, her into my heart
But she was out riding in some other man's car
She was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong
Won't take me long for me to move on

Oh, please don't worry bout me I'm fine
(Please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time
(Only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say
That I'll be ok
[ Go On Girl song text brought to you by LyricsYouLove ]
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl

Ooh, the mistake I made is clear
(We never should been together)
That's the reason you're not here
(I know that I can do much better)
Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby I'm feeling no stress
I'm too fly to be depressed

just wanna share.. its a nice song.. go on girl.. love the lyrics.. reality bites huh.. found out something today as well that made me realize something.. im glad i met you but its not what i thought it would be.. and you werent who i thought u were.. i dont really know which is which and whom to believe but some things were quite true and ive proven that myself.. im not mad at you either.. theres no point in getting mad.. i really understand now why.. i wanna tell you something but i guess some things are better left unsaid and some things are better left undone.. but dont worry.. whatever it is that youre looking for.. youll find it in time.. :)

LoseR

uugghh!! what the hell is wrong with me?? am i that stupid?? argh sometimes i just want to slap my face.. not that i hate myself but i dunno.. maybe i should start looking for my pride somewhere.. geez.. i cant even find the right words and i cant seem to put my feelings altogether.. ='( i feel so lost.. my life has no direction and it ain't going anywhere but down the ditch..

yesterday.. i was in some situation.. id rather not give out the full details.. huhuhu.. but bottom line i ended up looking so stupid.. and the more stupid im feeling right now because i just saw something.. ???????????????????????..

......................................................................................................................................
............................?????????????????????????????????????????????????.................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.................

enough of this... i really hate this feeling... it damn hurts... ill be able to write everything down in time............

April 01

slept around 3am and woke up 7am.. had a weird dream.. been having these kind of dreams for the past 2 weeks i think.. here it goes.. by the way this already happened in reality a couple of days ago.. i was confronted by Jansen who gave me a registered login for irc because i didn't use it when i went online.. hahaha even in my dreams we keep fighting.. i don't know why.. the day wont end without us arguing or fighting but its ok.. thats how it is and i have to deal with that.. tsk tsk..

its already 9:39am and i am enjoying a cup of coffee while chatting with a few people from irc.. took test from tickles and the results were shocking.. but i dont believe it heheh :D hmmm talking about coffee.. its weird how coffee makes me sleepy rather than waking me up.. i hope theres a good explanation to that because i'm beginning to think that i'm really weird or something.. i remember someone told me before that i am a walking contradiction.. i never thought about that but she was right i really am.. i hate carrots but i'm a sucker for carrot cake.. i love pasta with lots of tomato but i hate tomato juice.. i am a filipino but i hate filipino foods.. :D milo choco drink should be drank right? but i love it eaten.. lol :D weird huh? but hey thats me :)

i wanna share a photo that i took in February.. this was taken from the window of the room.. :D i was so sad when i took this.. and its kinda gloomy right? but the rainbow looked sooo nice.. it made me smile somehow.. :)

Rainbow!!

Doggies

they are so cute.. i posted them here as requested by molds hehehe.. i sooo love these dogs.. they can take away whatever bad im feeling..

Life is a beach...!!

its the last day of March and tomorrow's going to be April.. whatta start of the year.. full of black and blue moments.. i remember just when January 1 came.. just cried the whole time.. though i tried so hard to smile still it showed on my eyes.. well thats what my cousin said that time.. hmmm..

January was hell.. cant even describe how it went.. all i can remember is that i got drunk a lot of times.. smoked like i never smoked all my life.. my application for lateral transfer to manila was approved but i filed my resignation that shocked just about everyone.. made a lot of impulsive decisions.. practically destroyed my career and future..

Numero Doce===Tequila and Redhorse

Renan's Stick.. Mine.. and Jerson's Stick..

February came and waaahhh lol.. i wont say more.. hahaha just a few words will do.. plane.. makati.. walkout.. edsa.. starbucks.. FRIENDS: Cathy and Malou.. thank you guys!! too bad i lost our pictures.. damn memory card got corrupted.. i cant thank you enough.. cant wait to see you guys again.. hmmm.. met a couple of new friends as well in the cyber world.. hmmm got into something too fast and it ended that fast as well lol... and another came and ......................... thats all i can say.. lol.. don't wanna say more...

March came and cant really say more but by this time im kinda ok from my past problem and another one came... so fast and so sad.. lol.. what more can i say? waahh i dont wanna talk about it anymore.. but what the heck thats why its blogging right? i dont know exactly what to say.. more like i learned something.. anyway enough of that since i cant blurt it out anyway..

summer is just around the corner!!! wwweeehhh!!

Black Saturday!!

Summer Flops

Bohol Beach Club

i woke up today with a bad dream.. i was with someone and we were chased by a big snake.. i asked her to hide while i divert the snake's attention.. and as i started to run.. i woke up.. and i remember my ex said before that if you had a bad dream bite a hardwood.. so i had to get up to find a table and bit the corner and went back to bed.. woke up to edge and kat's text messages just read it and went back to sleep and woke up again to a call from my officemate.. just said hi im still sleepy can u call me later after your shift and said my goodbye and went back to sleep.. woke up around 8:30 am and got up washed my face.. replied to a couple of text messages.. made two phone calls.. and had coffee and went online... had been online for like 8 hours already and i remember i miss blogging.. i could not open my old blog so had to make a new one.. aww i really miss my old blog site.. so much memories in there.. but ill try and remember those so i can put them in here.. :)