thats the thing.. i dont have anyone to call when am pissed off or when am down.. i dont have anyone to talk with who can understand me.. alcohol is not a problem but its too damn boring drinking it alone.. i tried to get in touch with the people around me but the saddest thing is that when am around with them memories haunts me..
it is so hard to trust people nowadays even just as friends.. ive been close to some new people.. but sadly.. they have their own way.. :( im so scared to get so attached to people but sometimes its all worth it.. just like my callcenter family.. who would have thought that it was them who was with me when i passed by hell and not my closest friends.. but sadly i had to stop somewhere and they have to go on... but often times its so hard to grasp on something nowadays.. :( i just miss my good old real friends.. yeah i was with them but its way nicer to have them around all the time..
i guess I still havent found a crowd that suits me or im just too depressed to exert effort in order for me to fit in.. or im just scared to make friends and eventually it will not last long for coz of my work.. whatever the reason is.. its so abnormal.. i need to overcome this.. i need to be in the place where i can be me.. this isnt me anymore.. ive never been like this before.. i always stand every time i fall.. iI always tried to find a way to make me happy.. i think I need to go to church too coz maybe this is the other reason i dont feel complete coz ive been far away from the ONE up above…
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