Bonding Over Booze..

thats the thing.. i dont have anyone to call when am pissed off or when am down.. i dont have anyone to talk with who can understand me.. alcohol is not a problem but its too damn boring drinking it alone.. i tried to get in touch with the people around me but the saddest thing is that when am around with them memories haunts me..

it is so hard to trust people nowadays even just as friends.. ive been close to some new people.. but sadly.. they have their own way.. :( im so scared to get so attached to people but sometimes its all worth it.. just like my callcenter family.. who would have thought that it was them who was with me when i passed by hell and not my closest friends.. but sadly i had to stop somewhere and they have to go on... but often times its so hard to grasp on something nowadays.. :( i just miss my good old real friends.. yeah i was with them but its way nicer to have them around all the time..

i guess I still havent found a crowd that suits me or im just too depressed to exert effort in order for me to fit in.. or im just scared to make friends and eventually it will not last long for coz of my work.. whatever the reason is.. its so abnormal.. i need to overcome this.. i need to be in the place where i can be me.. this isnt me anymore.. ive never been like this before.. i always stand every time i fall.. iI always tried to find a way to make me happy.. i think I need to go to church too coz maybe this is the other reason i dont feel complete coz ive been far away from the ONE up above…

ReaLizaTion

I can't get it back, but
I don't want it back, I
Realized that,
She don't know how to act
Never been a dumb dude
No I'm not dense
I just had a slight lack
Of common sense
I was the good guy
She was the bad girl
I'm thinking one girl
She thinking me, Earl James and Jimmy
Yep she had plenty
But love for me, she didn't have any

I was inviting, her into my heart
But she was out riding in some other man's car
She was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong
Won't take me long for me to move on

Oh, please don't worry bout me I'm fine
(Please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time
(Only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say
That I'll be ok
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl

I can't get it back, but
I don't want it back, I
Realized that,
She don't know how to act
Tried to settle down and look what I get
Thought it was my time, but I guess not yet
She at the bar getting drinks from many men
I'm in the house, thinking she's with her girlfriends
Trust not knowing, truly not knowing
I look back now like, man, I was open

I was inviting, her into my heart
But she was out riding in some other man's car
She was my night time, thought I was her star
Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong
Won't take me long for me to move on

Oh, please don't worry bout me I'm fine
(Please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time
(Only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say
That I'll be ok
[ Go On Girl song text brought to you by LyricsYouLove ]
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl
(Go on girl)
Go on girl

Ooh, the mistake I made is clear
(We never should been together)
That's the reason you're not here
(I know that I can do much better)
Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby I'm feeling no stress
I'm too fly to be depressed

just wanna share.. its a nice song.. go on girl.. love the lyrics.. reality bites huh.. found out something today as well that made me realize something.. im glad i met you but its not what i thought it would be.. and you werent who i thought u were.. i dont really know which is which and whom to believe but some things were quite true and ive proven that myself.. im not mad at you either.. theres no point in getting mad.. i really understand now why.. i wanna tell you something but i guess some things are better left unsaid and some things are better left undone.. but dont worry.. whatever it is that youre looking for.. youll find it in time.. :)

LoseR

uugghh!! what the hell is wrong with me?? am i that stupid?? argh sometimes i just want to slap my face.. not that i hate myself but i dunno.. maybe i should start looking for my pride somewhere.. geez.. i cant even find the right words and i cant seem to put my feelings altogether.. ='( i feel so lost.. my life has no direction and it ain't going anywhere but down the ditch..

yesterday.. i was in some situation.. id rather not give out the full details.. huhuhu.. but bottom line i ended up looking so stupid.. and the more stupid im feeling right now because i just saw something.. ???????????????????????..

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............................?????????????????????????????????????????????????.................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.................

enough of this... i really hate this feeling... it damn hurts... ill be able to write everything down in time............

April 01

slept around 3am and woke up 7am.. had a weird dream.. been having these kind of dreams for the past 2 weeks i think.. here it goes.. by the way this already happened in reality a couple of days ago.. i was confronted by Jansen who gave me a registered login for irc because i didn't use it when i went online.. hahaha even in my dreams we keep fighting.. i don't know why.. the day wont end without us arguing or fighting but its ok.. thats how it is and i have to deal with that.. tsk tsk..

its already 9:39am and i am enjoying a cup of coffee while chatting with a few people from irc.. took test from tickles and the results were shocking.. but i dont believe it heheh :D hmmm talking about coffee.. its weird how coffee makes me sleepy rather than waking me up.. i hope theres a good explanation to that because i'm beginning to think that i'm really weird or something.. i remember someone told me before that i am a walking contradiction.. i never thought about that but she was right i really am.. i hate carrots but i'm a sucker for carrot cake.. i love pasta with lots of tomato but i hate tomato juice.. i am a filipino but i hate filipino foods.. :D milo choco drink should be drank right? but i love it eaten.. lol :D weird huh? but hey thats me :)

i wanna share a photo that i took in February.. this was taken from the window of the room.. :D i was so sad when i took this.. and its kinda gloomy right? but the rainbow looked sooo nice.. it made me smile somehow.. :)

Rainbow!!