RaiNY DaYs

i hate rainy days.. :( its depressing.. i dont why but i just dont like it.. it keeps you from going to places without getting wet and its sad cause it brings back so much memories but its not like blast from the past but its like trip to memory lane.. i wish summer is here.. i dont care of its hot.. at least i get to do lots of things.. summer summer summer summer summer summer!!!

AFTeR A WhiLe..

its been a while since my last blog.. and id say that i really miss blogging.. a friend actually inspired me to blog again.. she said its a good vent.. hmmm im still wondering how would that work but im giving it a shot.. anyway.. life has been crazy since.. im currently working now and im pretty serious about it.. hahaha!! that was a couple of months ago.. im not so keen on working now because of some things.. some things not worth discussing..

my mom and dad are already in the US and its depressing.. talking about my security blanket gone to some place so far.. but the good thing is ive been going home more often.. but its still depressing.. but hey as long as they get to enjoy life now then its all good and im quite sure we--sis bro and i will do fine on our own.. and besides its not like theyre not coming back cause they are.. i just dont know when.. hehe..

as for other things.. im loosing grip on a lot of things.. been missing on so much lately i feel like i have to quit working and just stay home which is a big no no cause after a month or two id be bored to death.. but i just miss my friends so much.. they are spending so much time with each other i feel so left out.. but thats life right.. i have my own life now and the direction is pretty clear unlike before when i just used to spend my entire day with them.. and my folks are pretty happy about my current situation now which would be good right? finally after so many wasted years im finally standing on my own two feet.. and a smooth way to the so called thing future.. goodluck to me..

so much for now.. till then.. gotta work..

Hmmm..

The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments.. Learn to let go of the past and recognize that every day wont be sunny.. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair.. Remember its only in the black of night that you see the stars and those stars lead you back home..

Wounds

And just when you have gotten the lay of the land.. The ground underneath you shifts.. And knocks you off your feet.. If you are lucky you will end up with nothing more than a flesh wound.. Something a band-aid will cover.. But some wounds are deeper than they first appear and require more than just a quick fix.. With some wounds you have to rip off the band-aid and let them breathe and give them time to heal..

Should I HaTe The PeRson?

i lost my phone two days ago.. i rode a cab and when i got in the driver asked if i got a type AB blood.. i said no.. i asked him why.. he said that he is really frustrated because his daughter has an acute leukemia and needs type AB blood and that he is on the verge of giving up.. and i understand how the driver feels because i have been through some situation too when my mom had a kidney transplant and my sister was the donor.. maybe not totally the same but the frustration of your love one being on a very critical condition.. i even advised him not to give up cause that wont help and he might regret it for the rest of his life.. the driver told me that he has a donor but however he wasn't given enough time to come up with some amount to pay the donor.. and he is so frustrated cause the donor threatened him that he will give it to another person.. i really understood how he feels and i just said that there will always be a way.. and the driver said that if he wasn't scared of stealing.. he will steal just to get the money.. and i said thats not good and he said i know.. if only i had some cash that time id give him some but i am down to my last bill and i still needed to withdraw money.. and as i was about to get off the cab i told the driver ill pray for his daughter.. and the moment i got off he drove off so fast and when i reached into my pocket to text someone i realized my phone was not in my pocket anymore.. and i am sure that i left it in the cab cause i sent a text to someone while in the cab and after i placed my phone in my pocket again.. so i immediately called my number using my other phone and boom!! its already turned off.. so it was with the driver.. yeah i am partly to blame but what bothers me is why would he do such thing?? is it because he is so desperate?? that i can understand but why would he say such a thing about stealing if he didn't return my phone or if he saw my phone on the back seat he could have told me that i left my phone.. why did he drove off so fast?? i am not concerned about my phone anymore cause i can replace it but what really bothers me is his situation.. i don't know if i should hate the driver or what.. it already came up i my mind that maybe it was God's way that i will be able to help the driver.. i accepted that fact but i just felt betrayed by the drivers words.. he said that he is scared of stealing and that it is bad but still he didn't return my phone which is still stealing.. and the mere fact that he wont be able to sell the phone right away cause it is locked and it will cause some amount to have the phone opened since it is a registered phone.. and it is hard unlocking that phone and would certainly cost some amount.. and all the networks will be blocked as well.. i don't know i am just bothered with what the driver did.. i wasn't expecting him to do that since he sounded really sincere when he said those things.. was it just coincidence or it is really hard to trust people nowadays even people who seemed and looked so sincere??

NoThinG Much.. JusT MissinG on A LoT oF ThinGs LaTeLY

its been quite awhile since i last posted something.. i was busy with a lot of things especially with work and trying to put things in perspective.. most of my days would be work after that go out then talk to people then go home and sleep.. sometimes its just work.. sleep and non-stop talk with my cousins who are truly a blessing in my life.. and most of my rest days would be drinking sessions with friends and sometimes with my cousins and if lucky enough ill get some sleep.. same routine for the past two months i think..

the first month was overwhelming.. i was so happy and everything went well.. just enjoying the moment while it lasts.. midnight stroll to the bakeshop and chit-chats till the sun comes up..sleeping till noon and waking up to grab some food then back to bed.. but the irony is that though it kinda look lazy but i am now able to wake up and walk a few steps to eat rather than being woken up to eat.. i can now take my laundry to the laundry shop rather than my laundry being taken from my room.. just small things but matters a lot..

but the second month is kinda crazy since i was already working and in shifts too.. i had to balance my work with the kind of life that i have and thats really hard.. i live a crazy life and i have a crazy schedule.. from graveyard to morning to dawn in just 3 weeks.. it was like suicide.. my body clock was going crazy.. i could not manage my sleep and i also have other things to do.. go out.. go to malls.. i still had my social life but it went crazy as well.. and a lot of personal things began to come out to add up to my crazy life.. excess baggages.. unfinished business.. and some new things.. sometimes i can get so crazy as well..

till now i still don't know what to do.. my schedule is stable now but still i am still living a crazy life.. sometimes i feel like i am missing out on a lot of things which i cant figure out what.. if its social life i still have it despite my call-center work and work load.. if its love.. i don't think its that cause i am happy and i don't feel empty.. its just that i sometimes think that something is really missing.. uhhhmmm maybe my friends.. yeah could be my friends since its been ages since the last time i was with them.. and working in shifts just makes it a lot harder to be with them.. i just wanna see my friends and like be with them for a day or so.. i really miss my buddies.. :( i hope i can get sometime off work.. (**crossing the fingers**) thats all for now.. still have to do some things..

Bonding Over Booze..

thats the thing.. i dont have anyone to call when am pissed off or when am down.. i dont have anyone to talk with who can understand me.. alcohol is not a problem but its too damn boring drinking it alone.. i tried to get in touch with the people around me but the saddest thing is that when am around with them memories haunts me..

it is so hard to trust people nowadays even just as friends.. ive been close to some new people.. but sadly.. they have their own way.. :( im so scared to get so attached to people but sometimes its all worth it.. just like my callcenter family.. who would have thought that it was them who was with me when i passed by hell and not my closest friends.. but sadly i had to stop somewhere and they have to go on... but often times its so hard to grasp on something nowadays.. :( i just miss my good old real friends.. yeah i was with them but its way nicer to have them around all the time..

i guess I still havent found a crowd that suits me or im just too depressed to exert effort in order for me to fit in.. or im just scared to make friends and eventually it will not last long for coz of my work.. whatever the reason is.. its so abnormal.. i need to overcome this.. i need to be in the place where i can be me.. this isnt me anymore.. ive never been like this before.. i always stand every time i fall.. iI always tried to find a way to make me happy.. i think I need to go to church too coz maybe this is the other reason i dont feel complete coz ive been far away from the ONE up above…